Joy of Beauty

Isn't life funny? Full of ups and downs and laughs and sighs? I'm deciding to re-resolute myself to positive thinking...so despite having my fair share of struggles, there are multiple instances of the last few days that have given me extreme joy. Namely...it snowed last night! As a little girl in Apple Valley, in the rare cases of snow, for whatever reason, I'd always seem to wake up in the middle of the night, I'd peak outside, smile, throw on some shoes and in my pajamas sneak out the front door and dance in the drive way...thrusting my arms out to the side, putting my head in the air and spinning until my feet went numb. Then with a giant smile I'd walk back in the house, tuck myself in bed, and lay awake in perfect contentment of having experienced such a great adventure in my eight year old mind. Last night as I layed fitfully awake, I noticed that the rain had stopped pounding for some time. I walked to the back door, turned on the porch light, and my soul sparked alive at the white winterland that lay before me. So, in good tradition, I grabbed my flip flops and in shorts and a t-shirt walked outside and spun in the beauty that God graced us with. This morning I tried out Pascal's 4 wheel drive and went into the canyon to take photos. Of course, they don't capture the true magnificence, but here is a small taste of fall meeting winter:





And so as I have been struggling, I see this white world as an incredible gift, reaffirming my prayers to myself that God does love me, even in the midst of struggles. I never cease to be amazed that at the hardest moments in my life snow, in some way shape or form falls in my lap...indeed God's love language to me. And so, with that I leave you in hopes that in the midst of your struggles you can find joy in God's creation and hope that His love never fails!

His Grace is Enough

I'm not sure where to start except I need to write, not to one particular person, I guess to express the musings of my life, and not so much in a prayerful way, but in a reflection of how life really is out here, or rather how my emotions are seeing it.

Life in Wyoming is hard, there is a definite "fend for yourself, work hard sunup to down, compassion not in the dictionary" kind of atmosphere. I am fortunate in that at the ranch it is not quite this intense, but sometimes you feel it. It is easy to get lost in the beauty of the sunrise, literally a land rainbow, the sweat of the day (mentally and physically), and the hustle of closing the day. And out here, in a land captured by the rest of society in movies like The Horse Whisperer, which seems like a Hollywood fantasy, my life goes on day in, and day out. My point is that it is easy to forget the rest of the world exists, as if all a dream, pictures keep the memories alive.

This is not to say it is horrible, just very very very different. And so I suppose I'm in a place of some loneliness, what am I doing out here? "You duped me Oh Lord, and I let myself be duped." This verse has become the theme of our house. I guess as I grow (and they say I have), I feel less and less confident in my ability to do this, I see more and more areas I need to grow, and I'm becoming especially aware of deeper wounds and weaknesses that inhibit me on a daily basis. I am quite convinced that God has called me out here to work on these areas of my life, which is great and distressing. How can I call the girls out to be confident, when I'm drowning in my own fears and insecurities (one example)? I guess that is the beauty of relying on God's grace.

While I sing, cry, rejoice, mourn and experience a multitude of other emotions and battles a day, it is ultimately HIS work that is being done, and HIS grace that pulls me through each day, even if I don't see it. I've never had a harder job, and I pray that as it gets harder and the "dreaminess" of it wears off I can continue to desire to persevere, to love, be patient and trust His good works, for the easiest lie to fall into is discouragement - is it even worth it? My heart misses the life of normal society, of Colorado, regular weekends, social life outside of work. My heart rejoices in God's faithfulness to fill the deepest desires of our hearts, for as stated earlier, with great struggle, comes great joy, and with great joy comes a road to find Christ, and that is what being a Christian is all about. With that I am going to bed trusting His great grace and your prayers to continue to fulfill His will with great hope. With love from Why-O-Me-ing,

Tracie

Fred and Dead

Fred and Dead....you might be wondering what on earth this is all about. Its quite a funny story actually, actually two stories completely unrelated, but told together make for a great blog title. Isn't that a sad reason to write a blog? I didn't think so either.

Fred. Where to start with Fred, he's cute, he's handsome, he has beautiful brown eyes, brown hair, cute ears, nose, and just sweetest voice and most delightful antics. I met him about two weeks ago as I was sitting on the couch reading a book. I heard a noise, looked all around and saw nothing, then a movement caught my eye, I did a double take, and low and behold I saw Fred. My heart melted. I met him briefly and have not seen him since. I hear him every now and then, and I know he is not a figment of my imagination...in fact, he is our newest roomate...a mouse! I do believe that Marie and I are the only two who view him as a cute roommate, except for when he is noisy at night or dies, most of them die in the walls and we get to smell the decomposition process for weeks. The other two just seem him as a pest. Fred's feelings get hurt by this, I'm sure! You don't have to laugh at my explanation of Fred, but I must say I am amused at this rather sophisticated if I do say so myself description of our little friend.

Dead: (noun) D - e - d. A noun used to describe the state of being that Tracie has wished to make every rattlesnake since learning of the beheading process. This morning I went for a little bareback ride on Rocky. On my drive home I saw a stick looking thing in the middle of the road. Upon getting out of my car to further inspect (one can always use a good hiking stick), I saw that the object was not a stick, but in fact a healthy size rattler...SCORE! So I hopped in my car to drive over and squish it. It slithered away from my tire. GAME ON! So I reversed, and rolled down my window, the rattle was shaking, but it was still stretched out. We played this dodge game three or four times before it finally coiled. I drove up next to it (coiled rattlers are much less intimidating from the safety of your car), took a picture with my phone (didn't have my camera), turned the wheel so I was centered over its body, crept forward and hit the gas! SCORE! But turning around it was still alive, slithering with guts out of its body mouth opening and closing, trying to bite its seemingly invisible monster. Ew. Fortunately this slower pace made it easier to roll over one more time, this time, aiming the tire for the skull. BINGO! I proudly drove home to tell Marie of my catch like a little kid who painted a (in their opinion) wonderful picture. We decided to go riding again and on the way cut off the rattler. Unfortunately, it squished off somewhere along the couple thousand pounds of steel driving over it. I have no souvenir of this occurance. Another sad fact, upon celebrating killing my first rattler (not the way I was hoping with a shovel), I realize that its not an entirely "approved" method. Bummer. Soon. Snake. meet. Tracie with shovel! BAM!



Funny, I guess Dead could have eaten Fred, but then he probably would eat us too!

You live in Clark when...

Yesterday at work, I was chuckling watching one of the girls walk Clark the goat up the road and I realized that in all the nearly five months I've been here I've hardly shared what a typical day is like or what the ranch is like, or anything of that nature. And so I'm taking the time this beautiful Friday afternoon (I really should be outside, but I'm procrastinating on paying bills). And as I update this Sunday cloudy, cold and rainy evening to share with you a little more about life in Wyoming. Kind of a "You live in Clark, WY when..." blog.

When I got here we had nineteen horses, Precious made twenty, two died and now we have eighteen, take away seven that we can't use because they are privately owned, too advanced, or lame (Polecat - Angie's, Rocky - crazy - my project horse, Nitro - spooky - Marie's project horse, Banjo - Angie's son's, Grease - lame, Brego - lame, Babe - lame), leaving us eleven that we can use with the girls...Cash, Precious, Flicka, Paco, Echo, Sable, Fuzzy (an obnoxious pony), Fancy, Peter, PepperJack (PJ), and Malachi. We have one goat, Clark, who is obnoxious, four dogs - Shrek (Shoo-Zit-Soo, I don't know how to technically spell it, who is really quite ugly), Faustina (St. Bernard), Zorro (Border Collie), and Coolie (Border Collie/Corgie mix). We have a herd of about twenty sheep that roam the property and three cats - Panther, Mario, and Peanut. You might be wondering what we do with a horse when it dies. Well, they go to the DAP - the Dead Animal Pit - a hole in the very back of the property that is essentially a carcass dumpster. Sad, funny, and true! We do find bear scat back there.

Things that commonly make me laugh when I'm at work are comments from the girls such as "do you want me to get acne?" when we don't give "enough" acne cream. There are at least two or three silly comments a day. I always laugh when an animal is being stubborn or obnoxious and wins any sort of battle with a girl (that could be mean of me, but hey! They are the ones who refuse to let themselves get run over...its great therapy to teach them assertiveness, to stand up for their lives and enforce their good decisions. Sometimes we played Charades (I taught them, they had never played before) and when they do their creativity can be quite entertaining. I really do love them dearly.

I must say though that despite that many opportunities to smile, there are many opportunities to practice patience, charity, kindness, and equality. There are times when you can only roll your eyes at their ridiculous behavious, and many times I ask myself "really?" It is getting easier to be strict, especially with behaviors like lying.

Well, that's enough about work. OH! And a few more job titles: Communication Corresponder, hygiene specialist, and wilderness guide. You also you know you live in Clark, WY, when going to town (Cody) is a 'big' day, you have mastered the fine art of dodging deer, need three different weather wardrobes a day (or drive five miles or wait five minutes), you find horses by your vehicle and initially afraid its a bear (see story below), you miss football even when you're not a football fan, dread winter because all your "fun" activities are no longer feasible, you watch four movies in a row on your day off and its a good day, and sometimes clean to entertain herself.

So...Kristin and I have had a wonderful weekend off together and came up with the above on our drive to town. Today on Movie #3 (Lyrics and Music) I was washing dishes and Kristin got up because she heard a "bump." All of a sudden I hear her exclaim "OH MY GOSH, there's a (pause) horse by our cars." I turn off the water and join her and low and behold...she was right! But there was not just a horse, there were FIVE horses. So I quickly throw on my boots, Kristin calls our property manager, and I grab four black trash bags (I couldn't find rope!). I tied two together and thrust them at Kristin and tied the other two for me. I walked up to the closest one and put my "rope" around its neck and started walking it back to the property. About thirty seconds later I turn around and they were all following us single file...a whole train of horses led by me in my thermals, shorts, cowboy boots, tank top and extra large plaid long sleeve shirt and a black plastic bag with Kristin laughing at the back. Where's a camera when you need one? Our property manager drove up and asked "where's your halter?" I replied "Who needs a halter when you have a plastic bag?" He couldn't argue that one!! We later found out that they were supposed to be out, but not by the cars. The whole things has given Kristin and I something to laugh at all evening.

And with that humorous story I'm leaving you with a little miracle story. Yesterday in town we got to go to confession, my penance was to pray to Our Mother to be infused with the knowledge of my loveableness by God. And so I did. That (last) night a storm rolled in and the heavy rain it sounded like a rushing river going to float our house away down the road. In all my excitement I wanted to see it, so I got out of bed, went to our back door, flipped on the porch light and opened the door, and there, solely on the porch it was snowing. Now, for those of you who know me well, you know that God's greatest love language to me is snow. What a beautiful way to have my prayer answered, in the silence of the night, by speaking so deeply to my heart. Gotta love a miracle, especially in Clark, WY!

San Francisco

You never really realize how much you need a vacation until you get back from one and have an extra bounce in your step upon re-entering your crazy life. You also realize the level of need of a vacation when the whole trip seems surreal and a dream upon your return. I believe the pictures on my camera are my own personal proof that indeed, I took my first vacation since before NET. Let me tell you it was wonderful! It was also Megan and my first vacation together as sisters...I could not ask for a better sister to take such a trip with.

Well, Friday I had the whole evening to myself and after resigning myself to accepting the regret of denying a free $400 plane ticket to give up my seat I had a wonderful afternoon reading Narnia in the park (little kid's voices never sounded so sweet), going to adoration (which was a wonderful surprise when I walked in the Church...one man commented on how nice it was to see a young person...26 and still young...YES!), and eating In-N-Out while watching Shrek 2 for dinner. I picked Megan up and we talked nonstop until about 1 or 2 am, giving me the opportunity to experience that sisterly bonding that I have so longed for for so long.

Saturday morning we woke up relatively early (8am, sleeping in for me...9am Wyoming time...YES!) and drove to San Fran. I accomplished my 14 year old Bucketlist goal of driving over the Golden Gate Bridge and learned that its color is not red as I always presumed from Full House, but actually "International Orange"...trivia! Megan and I turned back around for breakfast and indulged in fresh crabcakes while watching the Pier 39 Sea Lion antics.
We walked up and down Fisherman's Warf before riding the Cable Car all the way to the end of its route. We shopped (and to see so many people and shops was not surprising in that I'd never seen it before, but surprising in that it had been 4 1/2 months since I'd seen such traffic and fashion and insane quantities of opportunities to shop! We quickly decided that it was too busy and headed back down to the Wharf to get Clam Chowder in a bread bowl and watch a lovely surprise. It was God's grace everything went so smoothly for at the stop we departed our trolley, there was a line about 50+ people long...it'd take forever! So we walked up a stop and Megan brilliantly noticed that they don't fill it up all the way to pick people up at the stops such as we were at. Two stops later our trolley was full. We forgot about our parking meter and rushed to refill it...Praise God no ticket! Riding on the outside of all the people made me feel like a celebrity because standby folks would take pictures as we drove up the roads, very cool!

So, we watched the Blue Angels perform while eating our soup and it was crazy awesome! We had to be at the wedding at 5:30, and we left at 3:30, just in the nick of time to get back, shower, throw on some make up and zoom to the service. Laura was beautiful and the hall gorgeous. It was weird seeing people from my freshman year...they'd be like "Tracie so good to see you!" and in my head I'd be thinking "what's your name, who are you?" Minor details, it was 8 years ago and a terrible time. Whatever, I'll probably never see them again.

And then we slept and I came home. My layover was in Denver...it was torturous being so close and so far from so many loved ones. Fortunately I only have to wait 5 weeks more and I can spend a healthy amount of time roaming the Mile High City! It was kind of hard getting myself pumped to return to a land of very limited civilzation, but now that I'm back my heart is again content in God's country. Thunder and lightning now! I am truly insanely blessed to live in such a remote area, to get paid to do what I love, to ride when I want and strive to make a difference. To have a job where you are ENCOURAGED to take a vacation every three months! Strange world eh?

Speaking of...

So many employers look at multi-tasking as a good thing to have. Well, my job has taken the term multi-tasking to a whole new level. So...speaking of multi tasking, I am nurse, vet-tech, teacher, counselor, evangelist, spiritual director, parent, and rancher, and many many more positions for the girls. Yesterday I was so grateful for my equine background in giving shots and taking care of a sick horse.

I'm about to leave to go to California, just wanted to share this brief thought with you. Also, speaking of winter on its way, today the mountain tops were dusted with snow! SO pretty, and crazy, winter is officially on its way, and its only a matter of weeks before I get to crunch through that fluffy white stuff that I love SO much!

Have a great weekend ya'll I'm going to cross the San Fran Bridge tomorrow!!

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That

Well, as you probably are aware by the massive gap from the last blog I have been crazy busy, and the days that I haven't been I can hardly find the energy to muster a creative statement about my life. And more and more recently as I become more involved in work, it becomes challenging to find things of interest outside of work or non confidential things of work to share. And even more surprising is that you actually are interested in what I write here! And so as I can hardly recount the insanities of the last few weeks I am going to give a basic rundown:

1 - Cow death by grizzly less than a mile a way
2 - Grizzly sighting in canyon
3 - Warnings about Grizzlies!! (I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere wilderness here!)

I recently discovered that I like Thai despite hating spicy...go figure!
I barebacked Rocky (a horse) two feet bareback!
The more I 'scold' the girls, the more they claim to love me...interesting.

The more entertaining thing that I seem to find is that frequently at work in a quiet moment I'll write these blogs in my head, I have a whole story set out that I want to share with you, and then by the time I get to a computer to write (FOUR DAYS LATER!) I totally forget what had happened and lose heart to write. I think I might just start keeping a notebook to jot these random thoughts and copy them and leave the deciphering to ya'll!

OH YEAH! The snow at the top of the mountains still hasn't melted, making this the first official place I've lived with 24/7 snow. GOD IS SO GOOD! Truly, despite the difficulties that I don't care to share publicly I feel so blessed on a regular blessing with a healthy distribution of horses, teaching math (which I have a newfound love and excitement for...I LOVE tutoring the girls), playing games, being in charge and hiking...I continue to be convinced that indeed God has granted me my dream job.

Which reminds me, I will share this little reflection: As of late I have been quite joyful and happy and I was so confused as to how to live in joy, how to accept such a regular dosage of happiness when usually we walk this earth with more sorrow than joy. And then I remembered, God created us to be happy, not miserable, and so when we are living His will, living our VOCATION that is when we have this permanent sense of deeper joy, because we are fulfilling the cause for which we were created. It is due to the stings of sin and wounds of the devil that we suffer and then allowed to rejoice even more deeply through the glorious resurrection of Christ's cross. And so I think right now I am celebrating my life, which is truly glorifying His perfect love. Rejoice in the Lord Always!!

Friday I leave for California, and as I plan to drive to San Francisco with my sister Megan, and as it will be our first sisterly vacation, I am convinced there will be a whole world of stories to share. In the meantime, please keep our girls in your prayers, and my ability to say yes to God in the details in your prayers.

Love from Wyoming!
-Tracie