His Grace is Enough

I'm not sure where to start except I need to write, not to one particular person, I guess to express the musings of my life, and not so much in a prayerful way, but in a reflection of how life really is out here, or rather how my emotions are seeing it.

Life in Wyoming is hard, there is a definite "fend for yourself, work hard sunup to down, compassion not in the dictionary" kind of atmosphere. I am fortunate in that at the ranch it is not quite this intense, but sometimes you feel it. It is easy to get lost in the beauty of the sunrise, literally a land rainbow, the sweat of the day (mentally and physically), and the hustle of closing the day. And out here, in a land captured by the rest of society in movies like The Horse Whisperer, which seems like a Hollywood fantasy, my life goes on day in, and day out. My point is that it is easy to forget the rest of the world exists, as if all a dream, pictures keep the memories alive.

This is not to say it is horrible, just very very very different. And so I suppose I'm in a place of some loneliness, what am I doing out here? "You duped me Oh Lord, and I let myself be duped." This verse has become the theme of our house. I guess as I grow (and they say I have), I feel less and less confident in my ability to do this, I see more and more areas I need to grow, and I'm becoming especially aware of deeper wounds and weaknesses that inhibit me on a daily basis. I am quite convinced that God has called me out here to work on these areas of my life, which is great and distressing. How can I call the girls out to be confident, when I'm drowning in my own fears and insecurities (one example)? I guess that is the beauty of relying on God's grace.

While I sing, cry, rejoice, mourn and experience a multitude of other emotions and battles a day, it is ultimately HIS work that is being done, and HIS grace that pulls me through each day, even if I don't see it. I've never had a harder job, and I pray that as it gets harder and the "dreaminess" of it wears off I can continue to desire to persevere, to love, be patient and trust His good works, for the easiest lie to fall into is discouragement - is it even worth it? My heart misses the life of normal society, of Colorado, regular weekends, social life outside of work. My heart rejoices in God's faithfulness to fill the deepest desires of our hearts, for as stated earlier, with great struggle, comes great joy, and with great joy comes a road to find Christ, and that is what being a Christian is all about. With that I am going to bed trusting His great grace and your prayers to continue to fulfill His will with great hope. With love from Why-O-Me-ing,

Tracie